NO, a difficult word to say

Saying No is a difficulty most people experience. May it be saying no to family, colleagues, business partners, clients, etc.

Take for example, Dian Griesel she will always find a way to bake cookies for her daughter’s school fundraiser.

Griesel, the founder and chief executive of the Investor Relations Group, a communications company, said “My mother never said no. She would never have served any store-bought cookie or cake in her life."

But when it comes to business, new clients get a different answer.” Sometimes they can't believe it when I say no," Griesel says. "But because I've said it up front, it doesn't become a problem."

Problem with saying no

Saying no has become a essential skill for families with increasing hours at work. But many people are afraid of that two-letter word, says William Ury, author of The Power of a Positive No. "We're afraid of not being liked, not being accepted," he says. "We're afraid of hurting a relationship or losing a deal."

For businessmen, it can be hard to say no to new projects or customers. When Cheryl A. Smith started Kansas City Home Care in 1989, she signed on every client who called, thinking that meant more profit. But some customers required too much hand-holding or made unreasonable demands. Rather than help profits, they were costing the company money.

Today, she can already say no to her clients. "I tell them from the moment I talk to them, if we don't feel like we can do a good job on this case, we will refuse it," says Smith. When she a client drains her time and money, she ends the relationship, saying, "We just don't think we can do a good enough job for you."

Directly saying No

Be polite but direct when saying no. Don't worry about seeming "nice," says Michael Watkins, founder of Genesis Advisers. Many people offer unnecessary details or even flattery when saying no, hoping kind words will soften the rejection.

Many people lower their own skills when saying no, "I'm really not the best person for this project." But acting coy is not a good strategy, says Griesel. Whenever she claims she can’t do something, the requester responds, "But you're perfect for this job!"

To learn to say no, start by identifying why you always say yes. Some people do it because they fear losing control over any part of a project, says Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author of The Book of NO. Others, like Griesel, are holding themselves to an old standard and that they may not be important in their lives.